Ananda Manifest & Affirmation

Mirror Work: How to Do Mirror Affirmations (and Why It Feels Weird)

Mirror work means saying affirmations to yourself in the mirror. Here's how to start when it feels awkward, what self-talk research suggests, and what to say.

By the Ananda team4 min read

Mirror work means looking yourself in the eye in a mirror and saying affirmations out loud. It was popularized by author Louise Hay, who considered it one of the most powerful self-love practices she taught.

It’s also one of the most uncomfortable. Many people try it once, feel ridiculous and never try again. That discomfort is normal, and it may even be the point. Here’s how to do mirror work, why it can help, and how to get past the awkward first days.

Why mirror work feels so strange

When you look at yourself in a mirror, you tend to slip into evaluating: hair, skin, the tired eyes. Saying something kind at the same moment can create a clash between what you’re saying and what your inner critic is thinking.

That clash is useful information. If “I love you” feels impossible to say to your reflection, that tells you how you’ve been treating yourself. You don’t need to fix it on day one. You just need to notice it, and start somewhere gentler.

What research suggests about how you talk to yourself

There’s no large body of research on mirror work itself, but there’s solid research on two things it involves: talking to yourself as “you,” and treating yourself with compassion.

Talking to yourself as “you” can help

In a 2014 study, Sanda Dolcos and Dolores Albarracín found that people who gave themselves advice in the second person (“You can do this”) performed better on a task, and felt more motivated, than people who used “I.”

In another 2014 study, Ethan Kross and colleagues found that people who talked to themselves using their own name or “you” before a stressful speech felt less anxious and performed better than people who used “I.” The researchers called this self-distancing: it lets you coach yourself like you would a friend.

Mirror work naturally invites this. You’re looking at “you” and speaking to them.

Self-compassion beats self-criticism

Psychologist Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion, treating yourself with the kindness you’d offer a friend, links it to lower anxiety and depression and greater resilience. Mirror work is a direct way to practise it.

How to do mirror work: a 5-step method

1. Pick a time you’re already at the mirror

Brushing your teeth in the morning is ideal. Attaching a new habit to an existing one makes it far more likely to stick. (See How to Build a Daily Affirmation Habit.)

2. Start with neutral or soft statements

Don’t start with “I love you” if that feels impossible. Try:

  • “Good morning, [your name].”
  • “You’re doing your best.”
  • “You got through yesterday.”

3. Make eye contact and say it out loud

Speak slowly. It’s fine if your voice wobbles or you laugh. Stay with your own eyes for a few seconds after each sentence.

4. Notice what comes up

You may feel embarrassed, sad or resistant. Notice it without judging. Some people find it helps to say: “This is hard, and that’s okay.”

5. Build up over time

After a week or two, try stronger statements. Over a month, many people find that “I’m proud of you” goes from impossible to merely awkward, and eventually to true.

Mirror affirmations to start with

Week 1: gentle

  1. Good morning, [name]. I’m here with you.
  2. You’re allowed to be a work in progress.
  3. You got through yesterday. You can get through today.
  4. You’re doing better than you think.
  5. It’s okay to be tired.

Week 2: kind

  1. I see how hard you’re trying.
  2. You deserve kindness, including from me.
  3. You don’t have to be perfect to be worth caring about.
  4. I’m on your side.
  5. You’ve handled hard things before.

Week 3: confident

  1. You can do difficult things.
  2. Your voice matters. Use it today.
  3. You bring something real to the people around you.
  4. I trust you to figure this out.
  5. You’re becoming someone you’re proud of.

Week 4: loving

  1. I’m proud of you.
  2. I forgive you for the past. You were doing what you could.
  3. You are enough, exactly as you are today.
  4. I’m grateful to be you.
  5. I love you, and I’m learning to show it.

Make mirror affirmations personal

The most powerful mirror affirmations name something real: “You finished that course while working full-time. I’m proud of you.” Specific evidence is much harder for your inner critic to argue with than a general compliment. Our guide to writing personalized affirmations shows you how to find yours.

Who should be careful with mirror work

If looking in the mirror brings up intense distress, for example with body image concerns or an eating disorder, mirror work may not be the right place to start. Try writing affirmations instead, and consider talking to a therapist. See Body Positive Affirmations for a gentler approach.

How Ananda can help

Ananda writes seven affirmations from your real accomplishments and challenges, so you have specific, believable things to say in the mirror. Pick one each morning, or use the read-aloud button to hear it first and then repeat it to yourself.

Sources

  • Hay, L. (2016). Mirror Work: 21 Days to Heal Your Life. Hay House.
  • Dolcos, S., & Albarracín, D. (2014). The inner speech of behavioral regulation: Intentions and task performance strengthen when you talk to yourself as a You. European Journal of Social Psychology, 44(6), 636–642.
  • Kross, E., Bruehlman-Senecal, E., Park, J., Burson, A., Dougherty, A., Shablack, H., Bremner, R., Moser, J., & Ayduk, O. (2014). Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: How you do it matters. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106(2), 304–324.
  • Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.