Ananda Manifest & Affirmation

Affirmations for Forgiveness: Letting Go of Others and Yourself

Affirmations for forgiving someone who hurt you and for forgiving yourself, what forgiveness research shows, and why forgiving doesn't mean excusing or reconciling.

By the Ananda team4 min read

Holding on to hurt can feel like protection. If you let go, it might seem like what happened didn’t matter, or that it could happen again. But carrying a grudge, or carrying shame about your own mistakes, has a cost too.

Forgiveness is one of the most studied topics in positive psychology, and the research is encouraging: it can be learned, and it tends to help the person who forgives most of all. Here’s what forgiveness is (and isn’t), with affirmations for forgiving others and forgiving yourself.

What forgiveness is, and isn’t

Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and the wish for revenge, and to reduce the hold a hurt has on you.

Forgiveness is not:

  • Excusing what happened. It was still wrong.
  • Forgetting. You can remember and still forgive.
  • Reconciling. You don’t have to let someone back into your life.
  • Trusting again automatically. Trust is earned separately.
  • Rushing. Forgiveness often comes in layers, over time.

You never owe forgiveness to someone who is still hurting you. If you’re in an unsafe situation, your safety comes first.

What the research says

Grudges show up in the body

In a 2001 study, Charlotte van Oyen Witvliet and colleagues asked people to think about someone who had hurt them, either by rehearsing the hurt and holding a grudge, or by imagining forgiving them. Holding grudges raised heart rate and blood pressure and increased negative feelings. Forgiving thoughts produced calmer responses.

Forgiveness can be learned

A 2014 meta-analysis by Nathaniel Wade, Everett Worthington and colleagues pooled studies of structured forgiveness programs. People who took part forgave more, and also showed less depression and anxiety and more hope, compared with people who didn’t. More time spent on the practice led to bigger effects.

Affirmations for forgiving someone else

  1. I’m choosing to free myself, not to excuse what happened.
  2. What they did was wrong, and I don’t have to carry it forever.
  3. I can forgive and still keep my boundaries.
  4. Letting go of this anger gives me back my energy.
  5. I release the hope that the past could have been different.
  6. Their actions say more about them than about me.
  7. I forgive at my own pace. There’s no deadline.
  8. I can wish them no harm and still not want them in my life.
  9. I’m allowed to remember, and still be at peace.
  10. I choose peace over replaying the past.

Affirmations for forgiving yourself

  1. I made a mistake. I’m not a mistake.
  2. I did the best I could with what I knew then.
  3. I can take responsibility and still be kind to myself.
  4. I’ve learned from this, and I’ll do better.
  5. Punishing myself doesn’t undo the past. Growing does.
  6. I deserve the same compassion I’d give a friend.
  7. I’m allowed to move forward.
  8. My past self was doing their best, and I forgive them.
  9. I can make amends where possible and let go of the rest.
  10. I’m worthy of a fresh start.

Self-forgiveness pairs well with self-compassion and self-esteem work.

Affirmations for forgiving family

  1. I can love my family and still see their flaws clearly.
  2. My parents were human, shaped by their own pain.
  3. I can heal even if they never apologize.
  4. I choose what I carry forward from my family, and what I put down.
  5. I can set limits with family and still care about them.

More in Affirmations for Family Problems.

Affirmations for forgiving an ex

  1. I release this relationship with gratitude for the lessons.
  2. I don’t need their apology to move on.
  3. I forgive myself for staying as long as I did.
  4. My heart is healing, and I’m open to love again.
  5. I wish us both peace, separately.

See Affirmations for a Breakup and Affirmations for Divorce.

A simple forgiveness practice: REACH

Psychologist Everett Worthington’s REACH model is one of the most studied forgiveness methods:

  1. Recall the hurt honestly, without minimizing it.
  2. Empathize: try to understand, not excuse, what might have driven the other person.
  3. Altruistic gift: remember a time you were forgiven, and consider offering the same.
  4. Commit to forgiveness, for example by writing it down.
  5. Hold on to it when old feelings return. They usually do, and that doesn’t undo it.

When anger flares again, try an affirmation like “I’ve chosen to let this go, and I’m choosing it again.” See Affirmations for Anger.

If what you’re trying to forgive involves abuse or trauma, consider working through it with a therapist. Forgiveness should never be pushed on you before you’re ready.

How Ananda can help

Forgiveness is personal, and generic quotes rarely touch the real hurt. Tell Ananda what you’ve been through and what you want to let go of, choose Family issue, Divorce or Daily Affirmation mode, and it writes seven affirmations grounded in your own strength and story, in any of 70 languages.

Sources

  • Witvliet, C. V. O., Ludwig, T. E., & Vander Laan, K. L. (2001). Granting forgiveness or harboring grudges: Implications for emotion, physiology, and health. Psychological Science, 12(2), 117–123.
  • Wade, N. G., Hoyt, W. T., Kidwell, J. E. M., & Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2014). Efficacy of psychotherapeutic interventions to promote forgiveness: A meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 82(1), 154–170.
  • Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2006). Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Theory and Application. Routledge.